Thursday, December 15, 2005
The Butterfly Effect
Or should I call it the domino effect.
Amaey has been getting very heavy since he is on steroids. I'm very careful about bending my knees when I pick him up. Well on Dec 12 we were taking Arjun to Kumon and I was washing Amaey's hands. He slipped from my hand and I tried to grab him. With all the meds he puts all his weight on the person carrying him. He cannot really feel his limbs.
So as I'm making sure that I do not drop him and land him safely on the ground I hear a twist in my back. I try to stand back up and scream. As if whatever is going on is not enough... I seem to have twisted my back. The pain is excruciating. I can't sit nor stand. Two of our close friends had stopped by and they tried to massage my back, hot packs, tylenols... all the fuss for the wrong person. Amaey and Arjun are looking at me all worried. Nothing ever happens to ma. Why is she lying on the bed? I could see that in their eyes.
Up until that moment Amaey would not eat with anyone, nobody could read him a book and nobody could take him to bed. No one except dad, ofcourse. But what do I see... Amaey is sitting by me and says,' ma it's OK I will eat with masi" I'm in tears. How can this little boy be so understanding? Arjun tries to give me a massage to make me feel better.
When it is time to sleep Amaey starts to cry uncontrollably he wants ma. I'm crying because I can't pick him up and I feel so bad. Our dear friend gets a book and just starts reading with so much emotion and fun... Amaey suddenly stops crying. We all hold our breath. After two books are done papa Apurva is home and all is taken care off.
My pain gets worse. Everytime I try to get up I faint. A nerve was getting pressed. Everytime I would make an attempt to sit I would faint. One of my fainiting moments was almost filmi. I could here faint voices in slow motion and then it's quiet for the longest time and then I hear the voices again many voices but distant.
We went to ER the next day because the pain was killing me and I really wanted to get back on my feet there was too much going on in the house... I did not want anyone fussing over me while Amaey and Arjun needed all the care. Apurva and our wonderful friend who took a day off just to be with us were by my side at the hospital. Amaey stayed home with my sister, for the first time. What a star.
I'm doing much much better now. Still cannot lift or walk too much. So at 1:00 am on Dec 15 when Amaey woke up to go to the bathroom I went to him and said, "babe I can't pick you up will you walk?" At 1:00 am he gives me his most intoxicating smile and says "It's OK I can walk". Then we go to the kitchen and make scrambelled egg and dinosaur chicken nuggets. Our little midnight snack.