On Thursday March 23rd Amaey started his delayed intensification phase.
At 8:15am just as they were taking him into the room for a procedure I got a call from my friend, her 2 children were spending the evening with Amaey and Arjun the night before. She thought her daughter had just developed Chicken pox.
My heart stopped beating. I suddenly felt like a big killer bug on the Pediatric Procedure Unit. All these immuno supressed kids around me... I went and told one of the nurses... after closing the window on me she came back and assured me after consulting with a few more people that I was not contagious. If It was between day 7 and 12... they would have shooed me out of the hospital before i could have blinked.
Now I'm worried about Amaey. He was going to start intense doses of chemo. I called my friend and every hour I tried to get a better idea of the symptoms... their pediatrician could not say for sure if it was chicken pox. We needed to wait 24hrs before we would find out.
When we get home I made the mistake of looking online about chicken pox in leukemia. I tell you that was the dumbest thing I have ever done. This was the first time I realized that I had the capacity to worry to such an extent. Next day morning we still do not know. It's friday morning and I really want to get a sense before the weekend. Finally at 11:30am My friend calls and we find out that it is not chicken pox. phew!!!
All this time we were so cautious about cleanliness, washing hands, our social engagements... and now just a day before his intense phase was to begin I had invited 2 lovely children home and had no idea that it might be fatal for Amaey.
Thank god it was just a scare.
But that did get me thinking that we cannot control life. We cannot control destiny.
This does not mean I will let loose and let my guard down...
I could here it in my parents and my sister and my sister-in-laws voice... How could I let this happen. All I can say is that, I cannot control everything. know I'm doing my best... and that thought has relieved me of the constant guilt...
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On Nov 24 2005 Amaey was diagnosed with Type B Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. The doctors call this kind of Leukemia "the poster child" and there is a 85% survival rate. This type is more prevelant in children under 3 years of age. For more information on this you can check http://www.lls.org/
1 comment:
Pui,
You are more tahn doing your best. You cannot predict any situation and you cannot vreate Fort Knox around the children. You are being as cautious as one can be and yes the news did throw me for six but not once did I think, God what was my sister thinking. I know you and I know how careful you are, as you said you cannot predict these situations.
You are doing a fantastic job and do keep on telling yourself this every so often.
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