I worry that my memories will fade
I worry that each moment won't remain vivid.
Just the other day I woke up and hoped
that you were in the kitchen,
sitting by the window, reading your Calvin and Hobbes
I was waiting for a tantrum
Your fancy cravings
Your precise fancy cravings
But, there was no one, just me and the music
So I did it - I made my poached eggs, omelet style in the 4 little moulds
Whipped up a fancy gourmet breakfast.
I did it in your memory.
I keep looking at your menu, the one you and I created.
The one that was my life savior for school lunches
because a pbj everyday wasn't on your mind
no it wasn't
And to whip up a new recipe every morning
To please your changing craving was becoming hard
pbj + apples
quessedilla + banana
crab cakes + pears
chicken nuggets + grapes
pasta + carrots
So many tears spent over this.
Your little eyes filled with so many tears
But once you put the first bite in your mouth you would smile your biggest smile and those tears would roll off those chubby cheeks and we would hug and I would look at you and say
don't waste those pearls, those precious pearls. They are mine. And I would drink up your tear and you would give me a big hug.
And I would say, sorry ammu
Then we would enjoy our breakfast and plan a nap for after you came back home from school.