Tuesday, September 24, 2013

2 years already

I'm seeing you everywhere. In your bunk bed the night before we left for Israel, only your desk lamp was on and I was slightly upset with you because you wouldn't take your medicines... There were only 20 something to take. I was feeling helpless but I had so much hope that a miracle was in the works.

I remember you driving with Arjun and bhai and bb to the airport. I think that is the last time I remember you smiling.

You were tired but hopeful that you would come back with a different life.

As we got settled in the private jet, I was worried but also making plans that I would call my dad to come and help me out in Israel after we found an apartment and arjun and pa would have to leave. I was looking forward to take care of you and get you strong and ready for a new life, the life after cancer.

I'm sorry I made you go in the MRI machine when you really did not want any more intervention, I did not know that it was your second last day in this life.

I'm sorry we decided not to put you on a ventilator to prolong your life. We wanted you and wanted you to be with us but we did not want you to be in pain and suffer and hook you up to all the devices just for our selfish reasons.

I'm sorry I had to ask you to leave... Take the hand of the new day that was holding its arms out to you to go and join the sun and the constellations and the world beyond. I did not want to let you go but we know that there was a better life waiting for you.

I love you and miss you and wish you the best in your new life. I'm sure I will see you somewhere, I know I will recognize you. I know I will.


Renata said...

Just stopped by (as I always do) to make sure you were "OK", and leave you a big hug, wishing I could do more, but not knowing what. Brazilian kisses and hugs on all of you today, Renata

Anonymous said...

I think of you all...sending you strength, immense strength.