Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Kids & Art

Looking at my time since Amaey was diagnosed in 2005 and I quit my job then, I understand that I'm a person that needs to be creative. If it is not through a job then it has to come through redesigning our kitchen and yards. Or by hosting Arjun's Lego club at our house. Or by going back to teaching, but online if that's all I can handle. Or by accepting some small freelance projects that did not have a crazy deadline. Or by founding a non profit that teams up families touched by cancer with local bay area artists.

I founded Kids & Art after Amaey started home schooling and found lots of joy in coloring and painting. He wasn't a kid that liked to paint on demand or paint by numbers or on a selected theme. He was a free bird (I'm sure my sisters will say, like me) but when he started painting, it would be this beautiful texture of colors. There was so much personality in them. We were lucky to purchase his self portrait print and his waffle painting. Seeing those paintings on my walls tells me that he was so true to himself.
He was going through dexamethasone(steroid that made him very moody, hungry, emotional, and all of them raised to 100) when he created the waffle painting. The artist he worked with was Sanjay Patel, they were scribbling away and then Sanjay asked him, hey Amaey what did you eat for breakfast today.... Oh boy... Did Amaey take off after that. He explained in delicate detail all his toppings and textures and flavors. So they decided to paint that.

I have his painting when he spelt syrup as serup and orange as orgen. I'm so glad we have that painting and I know that Apurva and Arjun feel the same way too. It sits above our breakfast nook in our kitchen. He is there with us in an ever so integral way.

When I think of that intimate moment then my question to my dilemma... What do I do with Kids & Art is answered. Then I believe that Kids & Art should continue, give kids their voice, their passion a place in someone's home or office.

But how do I continue, I don't have my muse, my Amaey?

I'm scared that I don't represent hope to parents. What am I going to say if they ask me about my connection with cancer?

When I don't think about that, all I can see is sending canvases and colors out to the kids in the stem cell unit and to kids who have to stay in the hospital for an extended time. And to the siblings and parents who are bound within the monochromatic world of the hospital, I would love to send them these colors so that they can see a glimmer of beauty that they created.

We are planning our Kids & Art auction this year on June 2 or 3 and we have some amazing artists donating their art and we will display all the art kids have created in 2010 and 2011.

But what next? Should I continue Kids & Art? Is it really benefitting families the way I think it is? Frankly, I don't know what to do...