Saturday, June 28, 2014

I miss you buddy

I miss writing in this blog. I miss Amaey. I was missing him a lot so I decided to read his blog from the beginning and it was really hard.

For a diagnosis that had 85% survival rate and for a child at 3 to have a very likely chance of beating the odds, I'm left questioning the odds. I'm left at questioning the system.

I have tried really hard to not put the blame on someone but it will be 3 years since Amaey passed and I'm still very angry. I'm angry at the fact that we let him down. I'm angry that we did not do enough. I'm angry that when it's over, it's over there is really nothing more we can do so we should have done even more when he was here with us.

I'm angry at the treatment plan. Pumping more and more chemo is not really a humane way to treat a child. Why do we have to put kids through a protocol and treat them like a herd of cows and stamp them all with the same stamp regardless of their ethnicity and their genetic make up.

Why does the pharmaceutical industry get to decide how my child is treated.

When will there be a protocol that will not be scared of taking a case because it is not going to be a success case.

Sure there is someone to blame. If the doctors are blaming his genetics then they are really the ones to be blamed because they should have taken that in consideration after he relapsed.

I miss you buddy, none of this still makes sense to me. I'm still searching... searching for answers, searching for you.

1 comment:

Renata said...

I have been thinking about starting a blog, but not sure about what. Many things come to my mind that I feel like sharing but no central theme yet. Anyhow, in thinking about sharing and finding purpose I had to come visit... It has been awhile, but even without new posts, I quite often think of this and today specially I had to stop by. Maybe were the Kauai pictures on FB, maybe my boys in the bathtub... Hope all is well after your wonderful trip! :)