I have seen so many families at the hospital over these years. Some families come in with both sets of parents, grandparents, all kids. Some families come as a single unit. Some come in as a happy family and by the time they are in the thick of it all they have no family left.
Apurva and I have done relatively ok over all these years. After each major setback that Amaey has faced we have reevaluated our relationship and felt happy that we are still stable. It has been really hard but we have managed to keep our ship afloat but the costs have been high.
I was talking with a mom in the hospital whose child relapsed while they were on holiday in the US from India. They could not go back, they had to start from scratch over here. I see her at the hospital all the time and I asked her, do you resent your husband? I said, do you ever feel that your husband just continued his work, luckily he could get a transfer from his work and his life stayed quite stable while you are here in this foreign land adjusting to a whole new reality?
She said, I'm really surprised that you ask this question so honestly, I was resentful when my son was initially diagnosed, felt like nothing changed in my husbands life. He could wake up every morning and leave the house.
I said, it is normal to feel that way, I feel that many times. However, there is a choice we made as a family for 1 to be a caregiver and the other to earn a living and continue to maintain the insurance and stability.
I have thought about this conversation over and over in my head. I wonder what the main caregiver and the secondary caregiver think about? I wonder what experiences each goes through. I wonder how these experiences shape them as a person. I wonder if their roads meet every now and then or do they trudge along a parallel path over time without really knowing that. Two people with one story that binds them but two completely different goals in life...