Sunday, December 04, 2011

The Warriors

When you become pregnant you start noticing pregnant women... Everywhere. Seems like it is an epidemic.

When you become a cancer family, you start hearing about people diagnosed with cancer. People come up and talk with you about tales of friends, family, distant relatives. Their cancer, their journey, their magic potions that miraculously cured them.
You are enlisted in an 'invited' only list.

When you loose a child, you become a part of yet another group. You suddenly hear about families who have lost the battle. About freak accidents, about tragedies beyond words. About loss that is so deep that suddenly your loss is made to feel weak.

But what is worse than death of a child? Whether it is a known cause, an accident, an illness, birth, genetic, or what have you. What really can be worse than loosing your child. Even in grief we human beings want to one up each other. My story is worse than yours or more tragic than yours... Really can one put a ratio or percentage on tragedy and loss? Can I not own the sole proprietorship on the loss of my child? Can I not make myself feel like I don't need to compare and made to feel better like the doctor once told me that if you were out shopping for cancer, the one Amaey had was the best one we could have selected?

We human beings are cowards as such. We always look for the bright side in everything. At least it's ALL, it could have been worse. When it got worse, we say at least he is back home from the hospital and does not have to be bed ridden like many other kids. At least he can go to school few days a week. You hear of a family breaking up and you go, at least we made it through all of this intact. Suddenly you hear about a parent loosing a child and you go at least they have few other kids in the family. You meet a family who has only one child and they say to you, at least you have another healthy child with you. You loose your only child and in a few months your life partner.... What do you say? At least I'm alive and able to keep living?

The only lesson I remember from Darwin if of survival of the fittest and I have used it on my kids several times... But now when I look around, see some dear friends walking boldly through life with a ghost following them everywhere, I wonder WTF survival of the fittest really means?

A friend lost her daughter 3 years ago, my dear dear friend lost her son 2 years ago, another friend lost her daughter a year ago. All of these friends have shared words of reason and reached out to me and I'm so grateful to them. I call them warriors. Warriors who have seen more in life, beyond their young years. I call them Warriors who are part of the human survival of the fittest experiment. I call them Warriors grieving and healing and picking up and moving on in their way. Am I honored to be invited in this esteemed Warriors club? I wish I didn't have to be but now that I'm a part of this club I will respect their loss and many more losses to come and pray that each loss is given the dignity it deserves. Every child leaves a mark on your life. You don't have an eraser strong enough to erase it or a whiteout that can cover it. The mark is made for a purpose, to teach us to live our fullest and enjoy what we have, when we have it. Because once it is gone, it is gone forever.

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