Thursday, December 01, 2011


I had planned to run away to my friends house in Massachusetts as soon as my parents left for the east coast on the 30th. But I should have known that things don't work that way... I did not want to be alone after my parents left. They were here in my house before we got back from Israel. They have been here for us during the hardest times of our life these past 2 months.
We did not really do much but just their presence was enough. Having somebody other then the 3 of us had different energy in the house.
My parents are amazing. They are so alive and full of life. My mom loves to cook, did I say LOVES to cook! That is her passion and she keeps her self busy in that. Cooking food immersed in her love helping us heal little at a time.
My dad is just a naturally friendly person. He has so many friends. He is on the phone all the time. Calling friends and relatives all around the world. Catching up with all his kids every day.
My dad and mom would have little fights, and fun and crazy arguments.

So once they would leave I would be by myself in the house with Apurva at work and Arjun at school so I thought about going away for 5 days. But Apurva had to leave for India and now my parents are gone too and I'm still here... in the house.

Yesterday I was out the entire day, did not come home until Arjun was back. I went to Skylawn and spent some time where Amaey had his funeral 2 months ago. I sat on the rocks and looked out where you can see the ocean. There were some beautiful schools of birds in various transformations.
But today, I'm enjoying my alone time. I really needed it. I really needed this quietness. At lunch I found myself sitting in that one spot Amaey would... by the window where the sun would streak in. The only spot in the whole living room where he would be able to soak up all the sun. I happened to find just that spot and did not realize what I was doing until I sat on the floor and then had to close my eyes because the sun was too strong, I suddenly started smiling.

I really need this alone time to just take in everything... I know each day is different and will bring different feelings, but I'm not scared of that. I feel like a big experiment of human survival. I want to see how I get out of this strong and happy. I want to remember Amaey with a smile on my face. I want to think about him and feel warmth and happiness. 


Anonymous said...

Thank God for those rays of sunshine. They bring light and hope everyday.

Anonymous said...

With rays of hope and showers of blessings, once again, peace and harmony in your life are not far away. Your eternal love for each other will carry you through.
Thanks for sharing with us your innermost happenings.


Anonymous said...


Thank you for sharing your loving,deep, inner most thoughts. I think thinking of this as a story of love and survival, rather than one of pain is a much healthier way to look at it. You are such a caring and strong person.

I was reading on another forum..there was a question - "in the end all that is left is: _________________", and many people filled in what they thought. The answers were friends, family, happiness, inner peace, what you sow etc. I tend to think what is left is your effect on the world, and your contributions to the world. I am sure Amaey has contributed way more than his number of years suggest, and you will, in his name, contribute a lot more. Let Amaey live on forever in memory and in deeds he has inspired.

Please take care of yourselves. The advantage in having parents is that they care foremost about their kids. Now that your parents have left, please take care of yourselves. The stress that your mind and bodies have endured needs a lot of healing.

I speak in these posts as if I know you and as a friend. Pls ignore if it steps any boundaries.

Warm Regards, Abby.