Thursday, August 09, 2012

How I feel

Anticipation of Aug 4 drained me. How will I react? How will I feel? I really did not know. 4th has come and gone and my heart is still heavy, very heavy. I feel tired and have no energy to do anything. I try though but then I need to take a long nap because my brain cannot think, my heart cannot beat any faster, and my entire being feels like it is sleep walking.

The Compassionate Friends send notes and poems on my fb and this was one I had seen a while ago. A dear friend sailing the same shores sent it to me and yes... this sums up my life... right now.

Please Be Gentle

Please be gentle with me for I am grieving...
... the sea I swim in is a lonely one
and the shore seems miles away...

Waves of despair numb my soul
as I struggle through each day... 
My heart is heavy with sorrow...

I want to shout and scream and repeatedly ask "WHY"... 
At times my grief overwhelms me and I weep bitterly..

So great is my loss...

Please don't turn away from me
or tell me to move on with my life...
I must embrace my pain before I can heal...

Companion me through my tears...
sit with me in loving silence...
honor me where I am on this journey...

Don't forget me or my child...
Listen patiently to my story...
I may need to tell it over and over again...
It's how I begin to grasp the enormity of my loss...

Nurture me through the weeks and months ahead...
Forgive me when I am distant or inconsolable...
A Small flame still burns inside my heart...

Memories trigger both laughter and tears...
There is no right or wrong way to grieve...

We each must find our own paths... 
but... please will you walk beside me?

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