December 27 2011

I wrote this in December when we were in India while Apurva's dad was in the hospital--

Today I went to the hospital to relieve my mother in law. Dad is in the ICU. They had to take him in on Sunday morning. That afternoon Apurva asked me if Arjun and i could go to visit him... I couldn't. I just couldn't get myself anywhere near a hospital. 
Last night I was worried for dad and this morning was hard to stay in bed, I kept checking the time, I wanted it to be past 7:50 before Apurva called from the hospital. Suddenly at 6am we get a call and I jump out of bed but it was Swati, she wanted to let us know that she had reached. 
Today is 3 months since Amaey left us and I just do not know what the holds in store for us.

I had a gag reflex as I walked in the lobby of the hospital. I did not realize I had such strong emotions attached to it. The driver took me to the ICU on the first floor and as I opened the double doors I had to try hard to not start crying. So many people fighting for their life. In dads room, the constant beeping of the monitor, me trying to silence it, nurses and staff constantly checking in, dads frail body... 

I do realize that taking care of a child and an adult is different in some ways and similar in many. The biggest difference is that with a child you are responsible for everything, every decision. You need to curb their anxiety, explain before a procedure is going to be performed and prepare ahead of time for any new tests. An adult can handle it and take it in their stride. However the pain is the same. But it sure is hard to watch a child going through pain of an adults proportion.